So, I tweeted that Kevin Nealon was the worst anchor in the long history of Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" segment (yes, I forgot Colin Quinn). That inspired an enthusiastic and inane discussion about Weekend Update, and which anchors were the best and worst. Not willing to leave well enough alone, here are my completely subjective rankings of all the Weekend Update anchors. It may include anchors from the "SNL Newsbreak" and "Saturday Night News" segments, I may choose to exclude anchors who didn't spent much time behind the desk, and I may or may not rank certain co-anchors together or separately. It's my list and I'll cry if I want to...or something.
And, as always, these are my opinions only, so please: no wagering.
14. Kevin Nealon: the guy can't even read a teleprompter. Funny in other roles on SNL, but go back and watch him on Weekend Update. Simply brutal.
13. Colin Quinn: Sticking to my guns since I made such a declaratory statement on Twitter, but there's an excellent argument that Quinn was the worst. Terrible anchor. Great on "Remote Control" though.
12. Charles Rocket: no thanks, although he does receive points (or have them deducted, I'm not sure) for being the only cast member to utter a profanity on the air.
11. Jimmy Fallon: I feel like I have him ranked too high. Got sick of Fallon pretty quickly, and the "I can't stop laughing" schtick didn't work.
10. Brian Doyle-Murray: completely forgettable in every way, except for having a funny brother.
9. Brad Hall: he's married to Elaine. That's cool, right? Right?
8. Amy Poehler: Poehler is brilliant on "Parks and Rec" but she was just meh on Update.
7. Tina Fey: big gap here. Seems like I have Fey ranked too low. Consistently good, and she carried Fallon (and, to a lesser extent, Poehler). Plus, she's a fellow Wahoo.
6. Jane Curtin and Bill Murray: good duo, and consistently funny. Of course, that was the point in his career when Murray could do no wrong.
5. Seth Meyers: yeah, probably ranked too high, but I'm a big fan. Meyers has that sly delivery that works well with the fake news. I think he'll be regarded well in SNL history, though his tenure with Poehler was not as strong as the solo years.
4. Chevy Chase: the original, and always funny. Generalíssimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
3. Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtin: the "Point/Counterpoint" gag remains one of the highlights in SNL history. Never really cared for either of them in anything else (except Ghostbusters), but together they were brilliant. Curtin, in particular, is underrated.
2. Dennis Miller: great in every way. Obscure references, witty rejoinders, and a perfect delivery. At one point, I couldn't imagine anyone could do Update better, until...
1. Norm Macdonald: ask me again next week, and I'll probably flip Miller and Macdonald in the top two positions. Both were brilliant. I have Norm at the top here because I was a huge fan of his standup -- and that deadpan delivery -- before he joined SNL (that was the golden age of standup), and he never disappointed on Update. By the way, did you know the Germans love David Hasselhoff?
Wow, I had way too much time on my hands today...